I really can’t be doing with these people who excitedly clap their hands and go ‘oOOoOoO, snow!’ whenever the accursed white devils twirl from the sky. They’re almost invariably people who either a) don’t drive; b) don’t have to commute any distance; c) are children and are therefore exempt from this rant; d) the Daily Fucking Mail; e) are idiots.
Snow is disruptive. It’s cold, it’s dangerous, it’s horrible when it turns to slush. It makes things look pretty, sure – I’ll concede that point, but it is not nice. It’s not fun in any way, shape or form unless you fit into one of the above categories.
Things Wot Snow Is
- It’s undeniably pretty.
- There’s always the briefest – exceptionally briefest – moment of inner squee when the first flake falls. But a dusting. Just a dusting, please. Not the seven metric fuck-tonnes complete with freakish thunder and lightning that have fallen since Sunday.
- It’s lovely when you’re indoors watching it.
Things Wot Snow Isn’t
- It does NOT merit two hour time slots on the news. Dearly Beloved got it right when he said ‘all the tabloids should just replace their headlines with ZOMG! SNOW!’ until it melts.
- It is not nice to drive in.
- It is not nice when the weight of it drags your guttering down. (Yep, that’s happened to me).
- It is not nice when your local council appear to have about as much enthusiasm for treating the roads as a dead donkey has of dancing the American Smooth.
- It is not nice when Dearly Beloved is STILL stuck in town more than 2 hours after work finished because all the buses have been cancelled as a result of point 4.
Bah, I say. Bah.
And that was my snow rant, duly dispensed into the wild.
In short, snow bad, clear roads good.