Just have a conversation with the marvellous Flickums (in which we have righted many wrongs) and was reminded of a brief rant-ling.
You too can own [insert pointless item here] for only £xx.xx! Reduced by £xx! Buy now, before the world, y’know, implodes or something!
But it’s lies. It’s all lies. And here’s why.
Algernon, a pleasant chap with a keen interest in gardening and who reads the Daily Mail (the only flaw in an otherwise pleasant personality), heads to B&Q in the January sales. He needs a new hoe, because the tip of the other one broke off when he temporarily used it as a means of opening a paint can. He wanders down the aisles, past the frantic masses who are filling up their shopping trolleys with random tat and his eye falls upon a rather attractive uplighter.
The uplighter is reduced to £40 in the sales. It’s usually £75.
Algie, for that is his nickname, contemplates the uplighter for a while and eventually decides that he will buy it. He stands in the endless queue, making friends with random strangers until he is served. He pays for his hoe and his uplighter and he goes home, pleased that he’s bought it.
Only later does logic kick in.
“I saved £35,” he says, happily.
“No you didn’t,” comments his shoulder demon. “You spent £40.”
Don’t fall for it.
This mini-rant has been brought to you today by the letters ‘B’ and ‘H’ and the number 4.