Masochism (Or, When Will I Ever Learn?)

I’m tired at the moment. Like… very tired. Too many late nights followed by having to get up and concentrate all day long at work. Oh, for the days when I had a job where I spent 85% of the day doing absolute noth…

Actually, that’s a lie. I’d rather be busy than not.

But I mean, look at tonight. It’s 22:50 right now and instead of going to bed half an hour ago, like I should have done, I’ve found reasons to procrastinate around the internet. Answering an email here. Reading a forum there. Playing a game of Combine to balance it all out and now… writing a blog post.

I have a memory of my mother telling me once that when my older brother was little, she would put him to bed and not hear a peep out of him until the following morning. Apparently, I would sleep for an hour and then be up, raring to go. I think it’s this deep, deep down desire not to go anywhere, in case I miss something utterly earth-shattering. So I force myself to stay up long beyond the point where my eyelids care any more and thus, be tired a lot.

I’m going to bed when I’ve finished this post. I’m not joking, universe, I really really am.

Work has been hectic. What with full-on days and then coming home and writing of an evening, my days have been pretty packed. Started back at the gym tonight after a break of [static interference] and that got the Christmas sludge on the move. The writing’s going really well – I bust my January 85,000 word target and the six figure mark is well in sight now. It’s like an oasis, calling to me. ‘Stop here,’ it seems to say, lulling me onwards. ‘Stop here and you can be happy.’

Another week of January to go. I can probably get another 5k towards it in that time, easily. If I REALLY put myself into it, I could do 10k. But I won’t. Pacing. I’ve broken every month’s target so far and am optimistic that I’ll hand in well ahead of schedule. Then, no doubt, it will be edited to hell and I’ll probably have to re-write entire chunks of it. But it’s a good kind of pessimism.

That made no sense. I’m rambling. I’m tired, yo.

Nearly time for the annual malarky that is Black Library Live! and it should be a lot of fun. Many of the gang from the Bolthole will be there and we have gaming tables booked at Warhammer World on the Friday so that they can beat one another. As I have entirely failed to build my army beyond about three tactical marines, I won’t be indulging in this. However, I will undoubtedly be keeping Bugman’s Bar in a steady stream of business.

Have a week off in the first week of February and have one or two Really Nice Things planned. Mostly, not being at work. We’re going down south to see Dearly Beloved’s folks. Must take laptop, mustn’t slack off the writing…

Anyway,, it’s 11pm, near as dammit, and for once I’m going to defy my hyperactive tendencies and go to bed with one of the bajillion books I have to read.


2 thoughts on “Masochism (Or, When Will I Ever Learn?)

  1. narry says:

    I’m bringing an army but I quite like the idea of sitting in Bugman’s among the business. So I shall have to see what develops.

  2. narked says:

    Get some painting done Sarah!

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