I should be busily writing Project Shoehorn. But I’m not. Well, I SORT of am. I have it open in another window and I’m throwing words down here and there inbetween poking around the interwebs. As a fledgling author I am rapidly discovering that the interwebs, once such a source of joy and endless ridiculous things, is rapidly becoming my bugbear. There are just so many… so many THINGS! I tell you, the people who roam the interwebs uploading these delicious things that waste my time are actually evil people. They are slowly siphoning away what little is left of my shrivelled soul.
I have this sort of routine. Largely, I stick to it. On days like today, when I’m a bit restless, when I’ve come out of a couple of days feeling more than a little depressed, I need to laugh. And the interwebs are guaranteed to provide on that front. Project Shoehorn is rather devoid of laughter. Actually, it’s pretty much completely devoid of laughter, so in order to make sure I don’t undo the good of today, I broke off to blog and laugh a bit. Today was interesting. Today, I was a positive wee thing. Yesterday… not so hot. So today, I’m procrastinating.
A thought. Maybe ‘procreation’ is a mis-type in the Bible. Maybe it should be ‘go forth and procrastinate’. In which case, the human race is spot on. The moment the internet was invented, by a plumber named Dave from Essex (who pretended he was a Buddhist in his spare time), work levels around the globe fell by a staggering 98.6%. I just made that statistic up. 84.2% of statistics are made up.
The interwebs, as everyone knows, is made of LOLcats, Weebl, The Order of the Stick and User Friendly (and/or derivatives of the above). It is also made of mad people who would argue with a Tesco carrier bag that their point is right, even after sixteen gagillion other people have sourced, linked, linked and sourced evidence to the contrary. Accept you’re wrong, dude. No, never, I am always right, ad nauseum.
Dearly Beloved has a particular hatred for those people who comment on YouTube videos. Mind, I hate them as well. We hate them for different reasons. He hates them because inevitably, their opinion of what they are viewing is ill-informed, ignorant, snap-judged and more often than not deliberately trollish. I hate them because none of them can construct a coherent sentence, especially when they engage in arguing on the internet as depicted above. OMG U SUX LOOOOSSSER. CANT BELIVE THAN 274 PEPLE HATED THIS VID IS AWSOME. Really. Would a proper sentence hurt you that much? I actually think all future internet arguments should be conducted in more refined speech. Like this.
Viewer 1: I feel that this videographic representation of a feline, attempting to move itself closer to its owner without seeming to move is really rather dull.
Viewer 2: I do hope you don’t take offence, but I have to disagree with you. It is most amusing.
Viewer 1: We will have to agree to disagree. Or would you prefer a duel at dawn?
Viewer 2: I am ending this discourse. You, sir, madam or thing, are a cad.
As you may have guessed from this post, I like Demotivational pictures. There’s one for nearly everything when you start getting into it. Personally, I love the recursive ones…
…because they can get very silly.
And on that note, I believe I shall go and write some more, as I am now grinning cheerfully.