Treat!

A great choice of subject heading, if only because it gives me an excuse to post this video again. This one never fails to reduce me to helpless giggles.

But there was a real treat for me this week. I actually spent money. This in itself is alarming; I am totally my father’s daughter and would happily sit in the cold and dark to save electricity. I am the original Scrooge and hate parting with money. This is in part because I rarely have any spare. The joys of being a homeowner. But obviously, since I now in effect have two jobs, my income has improved. So I treated myself to a new computer. This is its first blog post. It’s great, too. I put it to the WoW test last night and like some sort of newcomer, I spent a good fifteen minutes just flying around water and marvelling at the ripples. ‘Look!’ I shouted excitedly. ‘I can actually see into the distance!’

What unadulterated joy to have a PC that can play the only games I really enjoy properly. The last PC I had, which has now become Dearly Beloved’s – he games on the consoles – was an emergency buy after my previous computer just curled up one day and refused to ever start up ever again. Thus, it was a cheap ‘n’ cheerful off the shelf at PC World job. This little devil has come from here – and I tell you something, I can’t recommend these people enough. Their understanding of customer service is exemplary. From the very nice and completely honest sales guy to the fella who loaded the PC into the boot of my car on Wednesday, they were courteous, efficient and polite. They came highly recommended and I’m  happy to pass that recommendation on still further.

Of course, this is me we’re talking about. Thus, nothing ever goes QUITE to plan. In this instance it was entirely down to my own stupidity. It went something like this:

Wednesday 26th October

  • 12:30pm: Receive phone call to say my PC is available for collection. I am super-thrilled by this. I elected to come and collect is as the company are only about 30 miles away and it’s much easier than making arrangements for someone to be in to receive delivery. Plus… saving on shipping cost. See: earlier Scrooge comment.
  • 3:30pm: Leave work in a state of childish excitement. Drive up A1 to Gateshead and locate company. Watch with glee as PC is loaded into boot of car. Try not to perform happy dance in front of nice techy guys.
  • 4.30pm: Pop into PC World to buy a 4-way extension socket. Have recently rearranged the room in the house where the computers live and will need an extension lead.
  • 5.15pm: Get home. Unpack PC with great sounds of glee. Extension socket is long enough. Transplant my monitor from old PC to new. Plug everything in.
  • Except the monitor.
  • Because I have a VGA cable.
  • The graphics card has either DVI, HDMI or USB connectors on the back. Wish as hard as I might, no amount of swearing will turn the VGA connector in my hand into a DVI one.
  • Swear.
  • Curse.
  • Swear again.
  • It’s still a VGA cable.
  • 5:45pm: Realise that PC World down in Stockton will probably be open until 7pm.

    Yep. This is familiar.

  • Reach front door.
  • Walk back again. Check monitor. Yes, there’s a DVI socket in there. VGA-DVI? DVI-DVI? I don’t know about such things. I’ll go and check. Although given my past experience with the staff of PC World, I don’t know why I think they’ll know any more than I do.
  • Break speed limit down A19 and arrive at PC World at 6.15pm.
  • 6.25pm: Am scratching head because of a simple bit of wording on a cable package. It’s a DVI-VGA lead. Which seems straightforward enough. But the package says ‘THIS CABLE WILL CONNECT A VGA CONNECTOR ON A PC TO YOUR HD MONITOR’. Mine’s the other way around. It’ll work, won’t it? SURELY it’ll work?
  • 6.30pm: Still looking puzzled. ‘Hello there,’ says Nice PC World Employee. ‘Can I help you.’
  • Explain crisis.
  • Nice PC World Employee looks horrified at my question. ‘I… I… I’m not sure,’ he stammers, equally confused by the wording on the package.
  • 6.35pm: Spot DVI-HDMI cable. Thrust lesser VGA-based purchase at Nice PC World Employee and run to checkout. Buy it on premise that if it doesn’t work, I can take it back. Leave PC World wishing I knew about such things. Imagine Nice PC World Employee sobbing onto shoulders of colleagues who pat him sympathetically on the back.
  • 7.00pm: Get home. Plug things into other things. Push button. PC works.
  • And there was much rejoicing.

So all in all it proved to be highly entertaining if nothing else.

On Writing

Another pretty spiffy review of The Gildar Rift can be found at the Founding Fields website here. For the most part, feedback for TGR has been pretty positive and that’s made me happy. Had a message from a guy who read Accursed Eternity who said that it actually scared the living daylights out of him. Given that it was essentially written as a W40k horror story, I feel it safe to say ‘mission accomplished’.

BL released the cover art for Valkia the Bloody yesterday. It’s by the ultra-talented Cheol Joo Lee (whose incredible work may be seen in more detail here. A particular favourite of mine is this sketch). I can’t believe how lucky I’ve been to have two such awesome cover artists for my first two books in Cheol and Jon Sullivan. The Valkia piece is exquisite: Cheol has such an eye for detail and although this is a low-res version and doesn’t really do her justice, you can still see how deliciously evil she is.

Valkia the Bloody

B-b-b-b-b-b-b-bad to the bone...

So Valkia the Bloody is released in July 2012, but in the meantime there’s a short story in the upcoming anthology Age of Legend, due out in January next year. I get to share space alongside other illustrious Black Library folk such as Andy Hoare, Nick Kyme, Gav Thorpe, C.L. Werner and Ben Counter to name just a few! Now… it just so happens that the final treat for this blog entry is a signed copy of that anthology for the person who can entertain me the most by writing the rest of this limerick…

There once was a Blood God called Khorne…

Competition open until Monday 31st October.

Blood for the blood god!

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28 thoughts on “Treat!

  1. AJ says:

    That’s a tough one >.>

  2. xisor says:

    For the entertainment of one Pyroriffic:

    There once was a Blood God called Khorne,
    He lived far from the mountains of Mourn,
    One fine morning in battle,
    Some bod threw him a rattle,
    Now he feels like a Dark God just born!

  3. david says:

    There once was a Blood God called Khorne,
    Who was filled with nothing but scorn.
    He’d seen Sarah’s book,
    But was bang out of luck
    Because he coundn’t have one of his own.

  4. Adam Goldsmith says:

    There once was a Blood God called Khorne.
    Twice daily skulls piled on his lawn.
    Whilst in battle abroad,
    He spat and he roared,
    BLOOD FOR THE MOTHERF**KING BLOOD GOD!

  5. lygris says:

    There once was a Blood God named Khorne,
    Whom unbelievers knew with forlorn.
    He sat upon skulls his believers had torn
    From the dead of battles they had born.

    And his thirst was for a sea of blood
    Split arteries pooling into a red flood
    His temple lies built upon crimson mud
    He cares not whose, so long as they rud*

    And for millennium he sits as the god of war
    The eldest of all, for none came before
    He who the champions claim skulls for
    But he is never slaked, always more…
    -He2etic

    *Websters revised: Rud\, v. t. To make red. [Obs.] –Spenser.
    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/rud

  6. Rob P says:

    Congrats on the new PC.

    I will not lie; I must therefore say that I don’t understand the proper construct of a limerick beyond AABBA, but here goes:

    There once was a Blood God called Khorne,
    Who failed to register SORN,
    Impounded his ride,
    Clamped it corporeal side,
    And thus his fury was born.

  7. Even though I can’t win …

    There once was a Blood God called Khorne.
    Who had an exceptional horn.
    When asked why this was.
    He said it’s because.
    Of my collection of incredible porn.

    Badoom tsh …

  8. Philip Thorogood says:

    There once was a Blood God called Khorne,
    Who always seemed very forlorn.
    His followers would shriek,
    As his havoc they’d wreak,
    To bring skulls for on his throne to adorn

  9. willhowers says:

    this has taken me way too long to come up with!!

    enjoy!

    There once was a blood god called Khorne
    Who liked to watch films with popcorn
    But when he went to see Tintin
    On the snacks they were skimpin’
    And so he ate assistant manager Shaun.

    and yes the artwork is lovely!

  10. Actually, scratch the last one.

    this is it!

    There once was a blood god called Khorne
    Who liked to watch films with popcorn
    But when he went to see Tintin
    On the snacks they were skimpin’
    He sure gave the staff reason to mourn!

    Good luck everyone!

    simon (squiggle)

  11. There once was a Blood God called Khorne.
    Who was absent when his children were born.
    He fled from the wife.
    Who chased with a knife.
    And then Valkia chopped off his horn.

  12. Damn it! My rhyming dictionary’s at my other residence!

  13. Mat Ward says:

    I figured I’d delve into the reasons why Khorne became the rascally chaotic blood god that he is.

    There once was a blood god called Khorne
    Who’s trousers were tattered and torn
    His throne made of brass
    Was quite cold on his ass
    And made him feel very forlorn.

    This angered the blood god called Khorne
    “I’ll make everyone wish they weren’t born!”
    “Send me lots more blood”
    “To my moat let it flood”
    There I’ll boil it to keep my butt warm!”

  14. narry says:

    There once was a blood god named Khorne
    who wanted to write bolter porn.
    For character names,
    he stole from the games,
    Guilliman, Angron and Dorn.

  15. Greg W says:

    There once was a blood god called Khorne
    With a secret addiction to porn
    He had anger issues
    with all the crusty tissues
    not cleaned up by his demon spawn.

  16. Raziel4707 says:

    There once was a Blood-God called Khorne,
    Whose curtains were ragged and torn.
    So he drove to Homebase,
    But they didn’t stock lace,
    So poor Khorne ended up with velour.

  17. Raziel4707 says:

    Ah, there is a slight but unintended similarity to Mat Ward’s one. Bugger. If that one’s disallowed, maybe this one?

    There once was a Blood-God called Khorne,
    With a job to which he had been born.
    But he didn’t want minions,
    No-one asked his opinions,
    “A lumberjack…” he softly mourned.

  18. Schafe says:

    There once was a Blood God called Khorne
    Whose mood could be said was forlorn.
    For on his skull throne seat,
    can’t be said was a treat
    a Treeman skull complete with thorn.

    • Schafe says:

      I should have read the others first and known to avoided the term forlorn. Curse you people for being inspired* by my works before they came to be.

      *by which I mean compelled to copy me shamelessly

  19. I somehow feel I should point out to the Warhammer fans that the Mat Ward here isn’t THAT Mat Ward, by the way.

  20. Pete Kingsman says:

    To finally settle the age old argument…

    There once was a Blood God named Khorne,
    Who viewed the young upstart with scorn,
    “I will judge as I please,
    Knees are synonymous with Bees,
    Now get out and kill for me ’til Dawn”

    • Pete Kingsman says:

      Damn it, I now need to edit.

      There once was a Blood God named Khorne,
      Who viewed the young upstart with scorn,
      “I will judge as I please,
      Knees are assosciated with Bees,
      Now get out and kill for me ’til Dawn”

      Where’s my proofreader at?

  21. Raziel4707 says:

    There once was a Blood-God called Khorne,
    Who fell foul of Jason Bourne,
    They wrestled and fought,
    Til the love-bug was caught,
    And now poor Khorne’s bumhole is worn…

  22. Rob P says:

    There once was a Blood-God called Khorne
    an image of fury and brawn
    but when Bambi’s mum died
    the soppy sod cried
    and many years on did he mourn

  23. Tim Kenyon says:

    There once was a Blood God called Khorne,
    Whose nature was fury and scorn;
    And magic detested,
    His skull throne congested,
    As more skulls were required to adorn.

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